I created these experiments to explore the concept of the body as a physical record of life experiences. Where memory might falter, the body itself holds the marks and wear of every second. I also gravitated towards the use of stains and dirty cutlery as these are the objects that most affect me when my mental health dips and keeping my room clean and organised becomes more difficult. The text reads – ‘The stains are part of my bones now – Perhaps that is proof enough.’ Part of my reasoning behind creating this kind of experimental work is based on my own fears surrounding my poor memory and my guilt at failing to remember sentimental events when the people I shared them with still do. Despite it being out of my conscious control, this lack of memories of my loved ones can sometimes feel like a betrayal of our relationship with one another and exploring ideas of alternative ways these times spent together are carried with me, helps process some of those more difficult emotions through art practice. The staining on the cup from use is a reflection of the staining of my teeth and body over my lifetime.
Additionally, I’ve chosen to use these stained and dirty objects as a way to challenge myself and my work, as I have done previously in relation to my occasional feelings of disgust at the appearance of my body, which, despite functioning in all the ways I need it too, can threaten to overwhelm me with the strength the emotion carries. When focusing on this element of my inner experience, I made the decision to create a series of photographs of my body and, although they were difficult to look at and edit, it was relieving to face these feelings as well as creating something from them. In much of my work on identity and my own experiences, it feels as if I’m reaching into the elements of myself I want most to look away from and bury deeper. I believe that the more I mentally flinch at certain aspects of my self-perception, the more important it is that I pull these to the surface in the form of art and making.
These images were partly inspired by, and in a way are a continuation of my previous work on skin – as shown below:
