Here are a couple examples from my early video based journal entries- I switched to written entries pretty soon into the start of the year but thought I’d share some of these initial more casual blog/journal uploads to give an idea of my thoughts going into the first term.
September 21st 2023
Transcript:
Speaker 1 (00:00)
Okay. So I don’t know how long I’ve got because there’s a plumber turning up at 4:00, but it’s about half three now, so we should have plenty of time. So I’m thinking a bit more on the summer work, if some of you can hear noise, we’ve got… Dog’s in here. Two dogs in here. I don’t know if you can see Dexter hiding down there. So obviously, I’ve not got much time. So I’m wanting to do something that’s quite quick, probably like a jumping off point for the rest of the year. I struggle so much with coming up with ideas for the whole year because it feels like I’ve got so much time. And yet I know as soon as I start, you need help. There will be no time. It will be quick, quick, quick, quick, quick. I think I spend so much time thinking of ideas and not actually making anything. So I’m going to do something really simple. I had a couple of ideas that I think I want to pass on through. So I thought about making some film. I think I mentioned a film the other day as well. But I’m thinking about making a film where it’s I guess, a show between how varied maybe being there one minute and then not being there the next minute is.
Speaker 1 (01:08)
It feels like time cuts. So you’re waking up, you’re going somewhere. And it’s that thing where I’m sure people talk about it all the time, where you’re driving somewhere, I can’t drive, or you’re walking somewhere, and it feels like you leave, and then you’re just at the place. You don’t remember the time in between. So I was thinking about doing something like that, where I’ve got maybe days where I’m not So there, where your face is blurred or smeared or something. And then juxtaposing that with what I’m more myself, and I’m interacting with people, and I’m feeling more in control, and then the switch, I guess, between them. I really like the idea. I don’t know if it’s something that I feasibly can pull off. I’d have to do a bit of research and tell how to make that work. And it’s quite a departure from actually physical making, which, considering I’m interested Instead of going into props, I don’t know. But again, I don’t have any… have the resources to be buying stuff yet, but we’ll see. What I’m quite excited about and what I think I might try and do. So I’ve got something to show, Veronica and Amanda and Greg, when I go back, is a hologram.
Speaker 1 (02:19)
So the brief for the summer was to make a body, and it could be anything, so it’s likely that it gets fed. And I guess there’s probably supposed to be a lot of metaphor and thought behind this body. So I wanted to make a recreation of what it feels like to be in a body when that body doesn’t feel real or doesn’t feel like it’s yours. So you’re experiencing life in a body that you feel very disconnected from. So I’m thinking about trying to make a hologram. So one where you’ve got the three images and then it should come together. We’ll see. I got very excited by it. So it’s probably what we’re going to end up doing, even if it ends up not quite working. But a hologram. And then have the hologram shift. So sizes, body parts changing size, and the face shifting or phasing. Just that thing where things feel like they’re detached or changing or they’re not actually real It’s just, I guess, a depiction of an experience where it’s a tiny… It’s a small little… It wouldn’t be very big. It’s just going to be protected on plastic. It’s just a small little recreation.
Speaker 1 (03:29)
But then because obviously of the size difference, I quite like the idea of having, I guess, a replica of my body, but just outside of me. Because sometimes, obviously, your body does feel like it’s outside of you. It doesn’t feel like it’s part of you. It feels like you’re watching it or it’s not actually yours. And I feel like even though it’s rushed, because it’s where I’m just trying to pull something together, it’s reasonable to get done in time and have something to show. And I like the idea. I love the concept of it. And I think it’s something I can pull off. And to be fair, it’s linking to previous work where I was doing stuff on the body and that kind of thing. I think there’s several threads of my work that seem to be continuing. It’s all at once. But we’ll see. So I’m going to look into that today and see if I can make it work, basically. And if I can, that would be amazing. And if I can’t, then it’s frustrating. But it’s something I do want to keep trying because I don’t know, I really love the concept of it and just holograms in general.
Speaker 1 (04:35)
That feels exciting. I feel really motivated to try and do it. I don’t know. I’ve got… Yeah, I’m trying to get an outfit on today because I feel a little bit better when I put myself together. I’ve not been feeling great about myself recently. So Yeah. I feel a bit better when I’ve got… I don’t know, a little bit of makeup or I’ve done something. I think generally when I’m feeling better, I tend to do my makeup more. And then when I feel not so great, then I’m probably not wearing make-up, and I’m probably not getting dressed up, and I’m probably not washing, and I’m just like… So yeah, I need to cut my hair, really, and redye it. But other than that… This is completely off topic now. I’ve just started chatting. But there we go. That’s my plan. So I’ll probably, I guess, come back in later today or tomorrow and show you where I am with it. And hopefully we’ve gotten somewhere. But yes. Bye. Oh, it is the 21st. 21st of September today.
26th Sep 2023
Transcript:
[00:00:00.000] – Speaker 1
Hi. It’s late. I figured I’d do this. I figured I should do this now while I wasn’t going to do it. It is Tuesday, the 26th of September. I’ve missed a couple of days. I think I took a recording on Monday and then said I’d do another one when I got home. And then just was so tired when I got back and I didn’t end up making a journal entry. But it was Tuesday today, so second day in. It was with Greg and we did another crit. And I got another handbook. So yesterday I got the professional practise handbook, and then today I got the handbook for studio practises, but I can’t find it. I was like, There’s no way I’ve lost it already. I’d like to annotate it in a lesson as well. I’m thinking that I must have just left it in the studios somehow. I think I might end up going in tomorrow to return There’s a project I’ve got to return and a couple of library books I need to take back. So fingers crossed, it’s just on my table and I didn’t pick it up. But I feel basically… Because I was like, Oh, I’ll go through both the handbooks for the journal.
[00:01:12.610] – Speaker 1
And then realised I actually didn’t have the one I got today, which is what it is. But yes. So a couple of things. I think I’ll start with going through the handbook for the realising professional practise. What I’ll do first, when you talk about the crits as well, I’ll go through the handbook and then I’ll talk about the two crits, the one on Monday and the one on Tuesday. And I want to talk a little bit about my feelings about the studio space, We’ll go from there. We’ll see. This might be a longer one because I’ve missed a couple. A nice long book for professional practise. So So maybe I’ll take some notes while I’m doing this. Let me get a pen. Oh, the mess. I think I managed to hide it. I think I managed to find it most of it. So tomorrow is online. It’s with Greg and it’s the introduction to dissertation unit. And then Thursday and Friday are I guess, days where you choose what you’re doing. So it’s, I can’t remember what they call it. Thingy days. So they’re, I guess, three days for working. And I’ve not done any tidying since I got back because I’ve just been exhausted.
[00:02:48.450] – Speaker 1
That is one thing that I’ve been struggling a bit with. So I find I only seem to have so much mental brain use. I don’t know. So for example, the last couple of days I went to Uni, really enjoyed it. I think they’ve been really great, a really great couple of days. I got a lot out of the crit. So I really enjoyed discussing everyone’s work and my own work. And I was like, I had a really good day. And then when I’ve been getting home, by the time I get home, I just feel like my brain is, I don’t know, not… I feel quite out of it. Just because I’ve been at Uni, I’m not functioning as well. I’m just tired. I was trying to read through the essays. So there’s a couple of essays that we’re looking at tomorrow in the dissertation, dissertation workshop. And I was struggling to read through, read the words. And I was just thinking, what’s going on? I was struggling to understand the sentences, and I think it’s just because I’m tired. So by the time I get home, often I don’t seem to have much energy to get other stuff done.
[00:03:59.290] – Speaker 1
So there’s so many things I need to be doing that I’ll get home and I’ll just be wondering around in a bit of a day, not really doing anything specifically. I might start doing something and then get what I’m doing halfway through. So I feel like that’s a signal that, ideally, there’s a set amount of time during the day where I should be getting work done. And then after that, trying to do work is maybe not the best ideal scenario, which is interesting because I tend to work late at night. I think if I’ve got a free day, I’ll be out of it most of the day And then it’s during the night that I’ll wake up because I’m going in and I’m talking to people and I’m being, I guess, my brain’s more engaged earlier on than I’m having in the evening instead. But I’m waffling. I got a new notebook today to write in. I felt like this size was going to be good because it’s quite portable, but still big enough. Whereas I had one of those smaller ones to try and journal in, but it was just so tiny to write anything in.
[00:04:57.520] – Speaker 1
And I feel like there was much space in there. Yes. Maybe I won’t write, actually, right now. I think I’m going to struggle to make notes and talk at the same time. So from the look of it, the expectations are going to be… There we go. Sourced and acted upon open calls. So there’s looking for work opportunities. So far, there’s at least 15 opportunities. I’m not sure if these count or not. So there’s a couple of open calls I’m aware of that I’m thinking of submitting to. I had the work I did over the summer with the Zoom Amateur Dramatics Group. Their play is actually coming up on Saturday, I think. Saturday or Sunday. So I’m going to go see it and take some and blah, blah, blah, all of that. So I’ve got it to put into the document. Also looking at potentially helping with some stage set painting. Nothing crazy. Just a little bit of help. Is that for a school plate just going and helping out, so I don’t know how useful that is. But the school that I’m going to to help out with the stage painting, I’m also looking into organising, potentially doing a workshop for some of the students there, either for the fine art students or potentially for the photography students.
[00:06:33.940] – Speaker 1
I’m not sure what I’m going to do yet, but I feel like that will be quite good. I think if I’m going to do a talk, so it says here, a presentation at your previous school, college or online talk. So I guess my previous college was Colliers. So it’s the College of Richard Collier back in Horsham. So I’ll look into potentially contacting them and seeing what it’s like there. I I do still know of a couple of people that know people that work in Colliers. I think my old art teacher has left, I think, now. But we’ll see if they’re interested in me talking or an online talk. I’m interested to see what the parameters of that are. So if it can be pre-recorded and then just put online or if it should be organised online, I’m not certain yet. I think it makes sense to be talking to people in real-time, but we’ll see. But obviously for the workshop, I need to make a bit of a lesson plan and organise it. So I need to think about exactly what I’d want, what I can offer to them. I was thinking there’s a range of things I can do, but I suppose I’ll talk on that another time when I work out more about it.
[00:07:47.450] – Speaker 1
I’m just going to waffle about it. There’s also the online portfolio. So develop a website showcasing your work and ideas, a space to connect and promote yourself. It also It is also a means of sharing your research and disseminating your practise. You should develop an Instagram page to complement your website. So I think this is the blog that was mentioned. So I guess it’s a website where you can put blog posts up. I’m feeling a little bit daunted by this one because at least for me, maintaining something like a regular social media posting or a blog is something that I’ve historically had a lot of trouble with. And it’s something that I saw when we were having the discussion with Veronica about it, my brain was immediately like, Oh, God. But I think it’ll be nice to put a website together. Not sure what on earth I’d write about for the blog post yet. I’m going to look into that and hope I’ll just get better at it. But we’ll see. I think that’s something I’m concerned about. Also building a brand when I’m not necessarily sure even who I am as an artist. But then And again, I had some notes today from Greg about trying to think of where we are within the art world and who we’ve been implemented by, etc.
[00:09:08.500] – Speaker 1
For next Tuesday to have a discussion. And there’s also the 18-month plan. That shouldn’t be too difficult to do. I’ve dug with planning a lot, but I’m looking to hopefully speak to somebody else and get a bit of help with that one. I get DSA, so I have meetings I can go to and get help with things. And I think that’s one where I’ve got a good idea of probably what I do want to do, but putting it in a linear plan form is going to be something that, fingers crossed, I’ll be able to have someone, even just having someone to keep me on track while I’m going through it. Because I find planning long periods of time quite confusing for some reason. I don’t know. And, Component brief for the Degree show, complete a successful presentation of final extra assessment and exhibition. So I suppose planning and then documenting up through for the final show for the degree. So I’ve got some ideas for it. There’s a bunch of website links and opportunities to go through to find open calls and, I guess, potential routes for contacts and what you can be doing. There’s also a charity that does a workshop workshops, LGBTQ workshops, art workshops, and I’m looking into contacting them to see if I can do a workshop for them as well.
[00:10:37.030] – Speaker 1
Not sure when this is all going to be happening time-wise, but I have a few ideas in my head already for potential opportunities and things I could be doing throughout the year. And also, I’m sure if I offered the Epsom Amateur Dramatics Group, might take me on as a prop maker again. Their next play is going to be Hairspray. The only thing with that is I’m aware that it’s quite a commitment to be making props for a play of that size. And I’m not sure if that’s something that I can reasonably be doing alongside third year. We’ll see. Because obviously I was working with them over the summer and it wasn’t an insane, insurmountable, crazy amount of But I think at the same time as creating stuff at Uni, we’ll see. It’s there because obviously, I guess I’ve made contacts with them now. But even if I’m just chatting to them and staying in contact about it. I’ll be interested. I’ll be interested to see if potentially some of the people I was working with on props might do hairspray. And then obviously I can offer to help, but I don’t know if I want to volunteer to be doing all of those props just yet.
[00:12:01.120] – Speaker 1
I don’t know if that’s necessarily the best idea, but we’ll see. And then onto the crits. So the crits on Monday were the usual crits, wasn’t it? I don’t know. I can’t. I’ve got notes in here from today because I got it today. But yeah, crits on Monday were the usual crits, getting into groups, discussing the work, giving feedback, that thing. I wasn’t able to get the little hologramic prism made in time. I did manage to get it done for today, although, unfortunately, I messed up that one. I’ll show you. So Oh, sorry. It’s just why I got a skirt on. But I’d superglued it, so I taped it, and then I thought that the tape was a bit… It was obscuring it a little too much, so I’d put super glue on it. And then obviously, somehow I managed to get super glue all over and not realised, and then it’s reacted with the acetate, react with the plastic. So now it’s created very visible cloudiness all over. I feel like such an idiot for having that happen. But I mean, I guess that’s a learned lesson. Part of me feels like potentially because obviously the hologram animation itself is a buzzed, blurred image.
[00:13:29.920] – Speaker 1
If having this be the way is, might have added to that effect. But it’s a difficult one because obviously the clearer it is, the clearer the illusion is, the hologram. So it’s a So scuppering myself a bit with that. We’ll see. I was thinking, so I’m interested in carrying on the hologram, the hologramic effects, the use of the hologram animations in my work going forward, but having them interact with a physical scene and physical sculpture. And so integrating the two. So creating a scene and creating a physical sculpture and then building a larger prism. I’m going to look into holograms to see different methods of it because this was just very simple YouTube tutorial, a bit gimmicky. I had to make a hologram thing. But have it so then I can have maybe a hologram projected over the physical scene and the physical sculpture and then have that interact with it so it appears as if it’s moving or shifting. I’m really quite excited by that idea. And obviously, so yesterday I only had the animation protected onto the wall. And then today it was able to show the idea of the hologram with this, even though it wasn’t necessarily quite what I wanted I wanted it to be with all of the super glue all over it.
[00:15:03.120] – Speaker 1
But it did still work, luckily. I don’t know if I can insert. I’m taking videos of obviously both of those. I don’t know if I can insert it in this, but I can obviously… I have those videos, so I could probably add them to my video journal file folder. So they’re in there. I was very pleased with the effect, but I was, to be honest, it’s a completely new thing to me and I was very excited about it. So So the fact that it even worked at all, I was overjoyed by. But no, I was really quite interested in carrying that forward. So in terms of the critique today, it was a little bit different from the way that we usually do it. And I actually found it a lot more helpful in terms of really getting a good idea of the direction and the thought process behind other people’s work on my own and to be able to ask more in-depth exploratory questions. I feel like this exercise really helped me pick apart my own work and understand it, maybe what I was trying to do on a little bit of a deeper level.
[00:16:17.040] – Speaker 1
I was obviously in the session talking about it. I tried to write down what I could remember, what I’d said afterwards, but I don’t think it was anywhere near quite what I’d gotten to there. But I’m thinking if this would be something that would be really great for me to continue doing just with my own work. So it was to imagine your work as if it was a person and then introduce that person and talk about it and answer questions from other people. I just found it intriguing. I was immediately so excited to try out this and see what people’s answers were. But I’ll just read up, I guess, my notes. I have to admit, I think as I’m talking, I’m losing track of what I wanted to do with this. There’s a lot I wanted to talk about and a lot I wanted to say, but I’m wondering if I’m going to have to carry it on tomorrow because I think I’m just not. We’ll see what I’m in. So my notes were… I think one of the initial questions were, does your piece have a name? What would they be called? And obviously mine doesn’t, specifically because of the nature of it, because it’s almost like an absence of a person.
[00:17:27.660] – Speaker 1
It’s erasing identity. So it doesn’t have a name. It’s almost, I suppose, taking names away as opposed to having its own. I’m already stumbling over it. I don’t know if I’m going to do this justice because I do want to talk quite in-depth about my summer work. So I’m wondering if it would be better to, for now, wait until I’m a little bit more awake and a little bit more together and then dedicate a specific journal to speaking about the summer work and how I feel about it and what I want to do with it and why I want to take it. What if I spoke about this earlier? Oh, all right. Okay. So I’ll leave that for him for now and I’ll try it again tomorrow because I’d like to do it justice because I really, really like… I really felt like I got somewhere with the critiques today. So I don’t want to just waffle random nonsense and just be too tired to make sense out of what I actually want to say. The studio space. Okay, so obviously, it’s the third year. We’ve got new studio spaces. We’ve got the big open spaces downstairs.
[00:18:32.630] – Speaker 1
I really enjoy not having to go all the way up those stairs. And I enjoy how large the space is and how much room we have. It’s fantastic. So last year, I didn’t really work in the studio space that much. I have a history of not getting work done while I’m in university or in school, even, because I was uncomfortable in the space, so I had a hard time focusing. So I had a very hard time blocking out the air around me. It was quite a stimulating environment to be in. So then focussing on the work, I found difficult. So we would usually do very little at university, at school, either. And then I do all the work at home. But I really want to make use of the studios this year. I think partly why I’ve been hesitant in the past to work in the studios is because I’m a very messy worker. I tend to be I’ll get in my own room, usually, and I’ll do things in here that I really shouldn’t be doing, like burning through plastic. I did go outside, actually, after I started doing that, and I suddenly realised that it was a really bad idea.
[00:19:40.030] – Speaker 1
Or taking alginate moulds, that thing. I could do it all here. I do it in this room Because then I’m able to be… It’s messy and crazy and all over the place as I want. I can take breaks and I can do with things. I can listen to music. And I’m just very safe. I don’t know, I feel I can just make whatever and I don’t have to think about doing it because I don’t have to think about the space that I’m in. But then I think if I don’t get used to working in a space that isn’t in my room, then how am I supposed to work professionally? Ideally, I’d like to work in props for a prop company, and I’m not going to be making props sitting in my room. I imagine I’ll be in a workshop somewhere. And it’s a fantastic space to have. So really, really would like to utilise it. It doesn’t make sense to be not going in and not using the space and hiding from it. I don’t quite know how I’m going to translate to working in that space yet. So then we obviously have tables and chairs, and I don’t work on desks or chairs.
[00:20:41.070] – Speaker 1
I sit on the floor or I sit on a bed. I have never worked well sitting at a desk for some reason. As soon as I sit down on a desk, I feel like my brain goes completely blank. It feels like a very unnatural and uncomfortable position to be in. I think because it’s so easy for me to be distracted and have trouble focusing on things. Any little thing that’s an irritant or that’s going to distract me, I had to remove as much as I possibly can. I could try and make myself feeling as free and able to grab things as possible. And for me, sitting on the floor and be able to move around is the way to go. So ideally, I’ll be on the floor and I’ll have a box of my things. I often randomly will look for something that I need, and if I don’t have it, that’s really frustrating for me. I’ll go and I’ll run around looking for random things I remember I have, which is why my room gets so messy, because I’m just looking everywhere. And even as things sitting on the desk right in front of me, I can still look for it for 20 minutes and not see it.
[00:21:44.810] – Speaker 1
So it. It’s going to be really strange trying to work in that new environment. I’m going to give it a go. I’m considering maybe getting something to sit on on the floor, or getting a box to put all my things in so I can make a mess, and I can just shove it all back in there so I’m not irritating the hell out of I’m working with because I think that was part of it. I had this little box space on the end with Isabelle and Sarah in second year, and there just wasn’t enough. I take up so much room when I work. I spread any available space I have, I spread out into it and there’s things all over the place. And I looked at that space and I just could not see how it would physically work in there with the style of my making. But there’s a lot more room in the third year studios, so we will see. Maybe we’ll see if I can get a cushion for the floor. Yeah, that’s my thought process. I’m just going to give it a go and hope that it works. And if I really do struggle, I think I might end up transitioning back to working here for the bigger things.
[00:22:44.800] – Speaker 1
But I want to make a really concentrated effort to make the third year studio space my own because it feels… The studio space in second year and third year has felt quite alien to me. It’s just somewhere where I am until I wait till I get back to my working space and I can actually do things. I’m just stuck there and trapped there and I can’t make work there. I haven’t got anything there. I really haven’t been utilising it. So that’s a change that I want to be making going forward because I think it’s going to be good for me to I’m not used to working in an unfamiliar environment. And eventually, I’m sure I’m going to need to be sitting at desks. I didn’t imagine if I want to work professionally, hopefully for a company, they want me to spread the legal over the place. But we’ll see. I also today for the sessions with Greg, and yesterday I was sitting on the floor instead of on a chair, which I have been a bit hesitant to do in the past, but I came in late I think. I came in a bit late.
[00:23:47.360] – Speaker 1
I came in a bit late, there weren’t any chairs, and I just ended up sitting down on the floor. Maybe it wasn’t yesterday, maybe it was just today. I came in late today. I was not together very well this morning. I was not organised. I was running around looking for things all over the place. And I ended up walking in and getting there late. But I didn’t want to faff around, trying to pull the chair out and making noise. I just went and sat on the floor. And I felt like it was so much easier to concentrate on what Greg was saying because I wasn’t super aware of how it was sitting in a chair, those little dilly, stupid plastic chairs. So I might just carry on that practise, even if it seems a bit strange, because anything that’s helping me take in the information is a fantastic thing. I don’t know why chairs are such a distraction to me, weirdly. And obviously, again, with this video journal, I’m just trying to find ways where I can make I can make things work for me. So instead of trying to do stuff that feels difficult and unnatural and that seems to be hampering my ability to focus and learn and create, I’m just going to try and Where I can make things a little bit easier for myself, even if I feel like it’s a bit strange or it’s a little bit of a departure from, specifically, what I’m being asked for.
[00:25:13.870] – Speaker 1
All allowances and adjustments. And then, fingers crossed, that will mean that then when I’m transitioning into jobs, if there are things that I’m finding difficult, I can find little ways to make it less of a problem for me. Just learn what and what doesn’t. Instead of trying to force myself to work in a certain way, where that isn’t necessarily working the best way for me. But it’s the correct way to do it. So I’m trying to make myself do it anyway. But I feel like I’m blathering now. I’m not sure even if I’m making that much sense. So I want to make sure that I start talking about the crits tomorrow and talking a bit more about my summer work. And also for Tuesday, I need to rework the summer work. So I’ve got some ideas all very I want to go forward in the year, for larger ideas and also ideas of discussing about how I want to rework the summer project using the crits, the critique. I’ve been given the last couple of days, so that’ll be good. Great. And I’ll say goodbye now. And hopefully I’ll be clocking back in tomorrow and I’ll be a little bit more with it and a little bit more able to keep my thoughts clear for the journaling, video journaling.
[00:26:32.260] – Speaker 1
But yes, goodbye.
1st Oct 2023
Transcript:
[00:00:00.000] – Speaker 1
Sorry. I just had to check the camera down because it was very slow for some reason. And I just said it was the first of August, and it’s not. It’s the first of October. So it’s the first of October today. It’s about 10:00 in the morning. And I just wanted to do a video journal to talk about the last few days. There’s been a lot going on, so there’s plenty to talk about. I did pick up… I picked up, yes, my note. I put my notes in. Yeah, I don’t know whether I want a pen, but I don’t think so, just right now. So, yeah, starting from yesterday, so it’s Sunday today. Yesterday, I went to a little clay claymaking workshop thing, just with the Charity Blossom. It’s in the Artist Studio in Guilford. I can’t remember what they called right now. It was just really frustrating. But it was really, really good. Just made some little clay things. I’m thinking about asking if they’re open for volunteers for me to do a workshop with them since I know someone who’s volunteering with them at the moment and looking to set up a workshop, the next workshop.
[00:01:15.930] – Speaker 1
They seem really, really lovely. It was so nice to meet them. I also went to the final showing of Spring Awakening, which was the play I was helping do the props for over the summer, last night. It was really, really amazing. Really enjoyed seeing it actually being, I guess, done with all the music and the lighting and the set design. It was so exciting. I got What do you call it? My brain wants to say perspective. That’s not what it’s called. I got the the thing that you do that comes with it. And I realised, so obviously it’s got an introduction. It just tells you a bit about it. And then the director’s questions and there’s pictures from when we were doing the rehearsals, I went to a few of them. They were in a scout hut down near where… It I was in Epsom, so it’s down there where my dad lives. So I just was going down with my partner. I’m suddenly wondering if I’m in the back of any of these, but I assume not. But I really, really enjoyed going to rehearsals. It was really exciting. And obviously, I think there’s some good skills there because I’ve been to the director, I guess, showing what I’ve been working on.
[00:02:50.220] – Speaker 1
And it was me and Dora. And I also got my partner to help me a bit towards the end. They were driving me because they offered to drive me to and from, so it just made sense that they’d come and sit in as well, which was really lovely. It was so nice to have them with me. They’re an illustration graduate and they work as an art technician now. So another opinion, fantastic. It was really nice. Actually, I realised… Hang on. I’ve got all of the actors at the top. Apparently, they’re starting on hairspray, almost straight away, which is crazy. And the director, Matt, was talking about doing a Shakespeare play. I did talk to him, obviously, about helping him again, but because I’m doing third year, I said that I don’t know if I’ll have time to be doing something so involved again, obviously, until I finish. And then I have more time while I’m doing the jobs. But yeah, you’ve got… Who else did put us in? I don’t know if you can read this because it’s a small front. They’ve got the director with Matt, music director, choreographer, and then summer on here.
[00:03:59.920] – Speaker 1
Here we go. Props. Can you see Props amongst Dora King and Elsie King, which is great. They didn’t put and Theo on there, which is a shame, but to be fair, Theo didn’t do too much, I guess, of props, I guess, They were definitely there. They were definitely giving me a hand. And also on there, that gave me a little… I’m like, you, I’m going to see it. And it doesn’t have me and Theo on here. So Yeah. He just says, Thank you both for them. Particularly creative props. Your attention to detail has been incredible. It’s really lovely. And he says, I’m lucky to have had you help me on the production and you’re always welcome to come and use my air gun, I hope to work with you again soon. And I was like, Matt, the director is super nice. I don’t know if Dora is going to be helping on hairspray. I think maybe. I did offer, I said if she wants a hand, not taking an active role, but just if she wanted a bit of help with stuff, I’m more than happy to help with that because I do really enjoy it.
[00:05:05.790] – Speaker 1
I was considering talking a bit about the work I did with one of the Masters students on here because obviously I did it while I was getting ready for the final for last year, and I don’t think I recorded it, really. And of course, because it’s before the summer, I can’t use it in anything, but I still wanted to have a chat about it because it was my first foray into helping the Master students. I don’t think I’m going to it today because I’ve got a lot I want to get through and chat with you guys as well or with me. I don’t know whoever’s watching this. I thought, hopefully I’ll remember to have a talk about that. So, yeah, I think I said in the last video journal that I wanted to have a bit of a conversation more in-depth about my summer work. So of course, on Tuesday, I have to come up with… I have to have with me a recreation. So to have taken the summer work, taken what I got back for feedback, and just have a new version of it. So initially, what I really want to do going forward, I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this yet, is I want to see if I can combine physical making with this new hologram technique.
[00:06:22.800] – Speaker 1
I’m quite excited about it. I’m going to do some more research into it today, but that’s my thought. And as Somehow I was imagining it being a whole room and finding a way to have the hologram projection on the whole room. I don’t know how I would do that yet, but I’m sure there’s got to be a way. Obviously, holograms are a thing. I’m sure there’s plenty of stuff online about how it was created. I’m wondering if there’s some way. And maybe not necessarily scaling up the prism. We had the session where it was like, imagine your summer project as a person I should have really had it so I got up and playing. But yeah, I was going to see if I could talk about it a bit. I don’t know if I read through this, but I thought I’d just read through my notes and remind myself. I still have some of my answers for it. So it was like, imagine your summer project as if it was a real person and give answers about it. So I have said that they don’t have a name. It’s not something that has a name, mostly because of the nature of the summer work that I created.
[00:07:29.410] – Speaker 1
It’s almost like absence of a person or something that is a replacement of me, I suppose. But I’ll go through the notes first and hopefully remind myself. I’m running a little more medication. I’ve been trying to order some new ADHD meds, but I’ve been having a hard time because I’ve set up with a new pharmacy and they haven’t been letting me… Their website is not letting me input my payment details and I can’t look up why. So I’m going to need to ring them today as well and just be like, Hi, please have my meds and I’ve got very little left. Obviously, I can function without them, but it’s just a lot harder and it seems unnecessary to make things harder on myself when there’s already a lot to keep track of and a lot going on. So I’ve written down here from the session. It’s something that scared me for a long time, but the relationship has shifted. It doesn’t scare me as much, I understand it better now. And when it exists in relation to me, I don’t. It feels like someone separate from me. Almost like a I struggle, but I have no ability to fight it other than refusing to accept its existence.
[00:08:34.230] – Speaker 1
So this is really interesting. So obviously, the piece I made was based on dissociation, or at least my experience of it. And it’s something that I didn’t necessarily recognise for a very long time. And it’s something that I think I’ve had with me since I was very, very young. So if I get overwhelmed by something, my brain would just switch off. And I hated it. It’s still not my favourite thing. And I don’t know whether it’s calling it dissociation is the right word. I was moving to my counsellor, therapist, person about this. Obviously, I’ve not diagnosed with any dissociation, this, the other. But it is obviously linked to ADHD and being overwhelmed and that thing. And I’m just calling that at the moment for clarity, I suppose, because it’s the thing that seems to fit it the best. But obviously, it’s my own experience, I am not a doctor or anything like that. I don’t know what else to call it, I suppose, is what I’m trying to say. It just seems easiest because it seems to fit all the things for that. But describing it myself, it’s almost like being, I suppose, replaced by something.
[00:09:52.670] – Speaker 1
And it’s definitely not as bad now as it used to be when I was younger. So this little person I created I did, I suppose, for the rest of my project, maybe I’d describe it in that way as not being as strong now as it was. But I was trying to recreate that experience of being not necessarily I’m not really replaced, but diminished. It’s like, I’ll be going along doing something, and then without my consent, it’s like my brain just switched off and I’m not there. And then I lose that time. I think I spoke about it in the couple of the earlier video journals, but obviously, that’s what I focus my summer work on, so that’s what this was about. But I was talking a bit about how my relationship towards it has changed, so I don’t feel as scared of it or angry about it, because obviously just having something happen to you that you don’t necessarily understand, that’s stopping you doing things. So I’d be sitting in class and then all of a sudden I’d be writing. I’d be in the middle of I’m writing something and it’s all of a sudden my brain would just switch off and I wouldn’t be able to finish the writing I was doing.
[00:11:05.470] – Speaker 1
It’s like I’ve just left the room. And it was something that I was really scared of. So for example, during my GCSE exams, when I was doing my GCSEs in secondary school, the thing that I was most afraid of wasn’t… I mean, it was also being late and that thing I was worried about, but I wasn’t worried necessarily about what grades I would get. Even though I wanted good grades, I was worried that during the exam that would happen and I just wouldn’t be able to finish it. I was so afraid that while I was doing an exam, I just disappear and I’d lose the ability to finish. I’d lose the ability to write. It’s always as if I forget what I’m writing, I forget how I write. It’s just gone. I’m not there and I’m just staring at this piece of work and I have no idea what it is. It was the most awful thing because it just feels like all of your dedication and hard work and all the things that are important to you just snatched away. And it’s not something that you want. It was horrific. It was something that I saw.
[00:12:10.370] – Speaker 1
I didn’t know what the hell it was. It was something that I saw as just this awful, horrible, scary thing that completely fucked me over all the time. I’m able to try to make friends with somebody. I was very, very anxious when I was at school. I didn’t really speak to people. And a lot of that was because I was afraid. If someone spoke to me or tried to engage in a conversation with me, or if I wanted to talk to someone, I probably wouldn’t. I’d push it away because often it would happen in the middle of conversations. And if someone doesn’t know you, and in the middle of a conversation, you just stop talking to them because your brain’s just decided to switch off for some reason. It’s not great for making friends. It confused people and it confused me for a very long time. But as I I’ve gotten older and as I’ve maybe tried to learn more about that thing or read more about it or spoke to people about it, people who know a lot more than I do about that stuff, I’ve come to realise that probably it was just that I was overwhelmed, I suppose, like a protection thing.
[00:13:20.540] – Speaker 1
So when I was younger, if something bad happened, I wouldn’t feel any strong emotion about it. I wouldn’t have any feelings about it. And I think because I was I was overwhelmed all the time. And I was constantly being told that I was doing stuff wrong because I was, but it wasn’t stuff that was doing on purpose. So I was trying so, so hard to get everything right and do all the things. But I was constantly late, forgetting. I was lost. I hadn’t bought the right books. It just felt like I was under fire 24/7, and it wasn’t something that I could control. It doesn’t seem to matter how much I tried to write down what I needed to do or remember. There was always something I’d missed. And I’d go into school knowing that probably despite my best efforts, there’s something that I hadn’t done, they had no idea about, that I wouldn’t realise that I’d done until they sat down in class and all of a sudden I’d be told, I can’t believe you’ve not done this thing. Why have you not done the homework for this specific class? I might have managed to do all the other homework, but then that would just ruin my day.
[00:14:14.830] – Speaker 1
But then I wouldn’t react to it. So I suppose the experience that I was trying to recreate comes with emotional numbness. It’s almost as if you’re just not there as a person. It’s like, I spoke to my counsellor a bit about this And she asked me, she was like, Oh, is it like there’s someone else there? And I was like, No, there’s nobody there. There’s just no one there. It’s almost as if, even though I’m describing it as being another person, it’s almost as if it was another person And there’s very little in there. So I think I described them when I was talking in class as someone who’s quite young. It was as if the experience that I was trying to recreate is the same experience. It feels the same now as it did when I was a kid. It’s just you’re going along and then boom, nothing. There’s just nothing up there. And you can’t really think things and you can’t really feel things. And it just happens. So I’m going to see. I’m sure there’s a way you can add the clip in or add I took videos. Maybe I can show the phone.
[00:15:19.510] – Speaker 1
I don’t know if the cam is going to pick it up. I’m trying to find what the hell I’ve done with my phone. Here we go. I’ll see if I can show you the video on camera. Sorry, I’m just sitting in my bed. I do most of my work on the bed or on the floor. I was having I think it was maybe what this last time about why I don’t tend to work sitting at a desk. I do have a desk, but it’s not very big and there’s a lot of stuff on it and it’s not comfortable. It’s a little chair that’s not very comfortable to sit in or sit on. I just use it to put things because I don’t really sit at it. I’m sure in the future, hopefully there’s a way it could probably make a desk work for me quite well. But I found this thing where your brain stops working. I found when I was at school, I’d sit down in one of those little plastic chairs and it’s like, I just switched off as soon as I sat down, which I think is probably part of it. I don’t know why.
[00:16:23.910] – Speaker 1
If it was just because I got very stressed in that environment sitting at a desk. And so I’d go sit down and my brain just associate it with bad, or if it’s physically distracting about the feeling being uncomfortable. But let me see if I can find the video on here. I don’t think this is from… I think this is just from me filming it. It’s definitely not going to come up properly. But I think this is from one of my tests. Maybe if I turn this light off for a minute, it might be a bit easier to see. But this is from a test where I was just checking if the hologram worked. And they did take a video, actually in class, when I had it set up. Let’s see. Here we go. So this is the little… I don’t know if you can see it very well. Sorry, but obviously this is not great quality. I’m trying to show you like this. But this is the little hologram. You could see the image reasonably clear, although I managed to get glue on the prism, which was so frustrating. It just reacted with the plastic.
[00:17:49.420] – Speaker 1
I was trying to super glue it. It was just on the plimp, and then it had the little hologram in the middle. And then the way it works is you’ve got the four bits of plastic and then you’ve got the four… I do I did a video, just took it into… Oh my gosh, the Adobe software. What is it called? I always forget. But it’s the Adobe video editing software, whatever that one’s called, Premiere Pro. I took it into Premiere Pro and I did it on there. So the way I ended up making it, if I haven’t said already, is I took a video and then I separated the video into individual frames using a software I downloaded, which again, I can’t remember, but I I was reading up online about how it would be best to do that. And I found some free Windows software that you can use to edit videos. And one of the perks of it is that you can go into effects and you can separate into frames and you can choose how many frames per second it captures of the video. So I think I did roughly half as many frames because obviously it was a lot of frames to edit.
[00:18:54.280] – Speaker 1
So I cut it down by asking the original video. I think it still ended up looking reasonably smooth. I I considered doing full frame rate, but then I just was thinking that it was unnecessary to get the effect that I wanted. And it was already a gargantuan task to be editing every single one of these frames. So I separate the frames. They all saved as individual images. I took them into Photoshop. I erased the background, so turned it black just using the editing features. I think I just used the… It’s not the magic wand, but it’s one of the selection tools associated with it, where you can draw over a little bit of the image and then it will select in there. It’s not perfect. It’s not the most gorgeous, beautiful, perfect editing ever, because it’s obviously the software doing it for you, but I just clean it up any little things. And because I use the smudge brush to move around the features, I’ve got… There was a brush pack for it that I downloaded I think it’s one of… It’s some Instabrack brushes, and I really, really enjoyed that specific smudge brush. I’ve been using forever.
[00:20:07.880] – Speaker 1
It’s my favourite one, and it just gives a really lovely paint-ly effect to the smudges. I don’t know. Because I knew when I put it back together, it was going to look, hopefully, like it was moving and shifting to give that effect of… I don’t know, just… Feeling vague. It’s very It was really difficult to try and take that feeling and to physically depict it, or visually depict it. But I knew. I knew. It’s one of those ones where I know in my head what I’m doing, but I don’t necessarily have the words to prescribe it. I think about it more like, why do How would you choose to do that? I don’t know. I just knew that that made sense to me. And then as I was doing it, I can explain why. But yeah. So it’s that vague fuzziness. It’s the lack of It’s almost like you’re disintegrating, you’re just gone. So it’s not like there’s a person there. I did leave the clothes untouched, and I think that was really interesting. I did get asked about that during the session, and the response I gave was that, obviously, the clothes that I wear are probably a more solid representation to me.
[00:21:21.270] – Speaker 1
I really enjoy outfits. I enjoy dressing up and wearing certain clothes because the clothes I’m wearing, if I’m in a situation like that, are going to feel a lot more real to me than my body is. So oftentimes the clothes were a comfort just to have something on. It’s a reminder that you’re a real person. I chose this outfit. I decided to wear this. There’s a reason for that. It’s real, I’m here. The clothes didn’t, were not affected. It’s just me. So it’s just my body, myself, my sense of self and awareness that’s flitted off into the great beyond for no discernible reason. I think often it’s triggered by stress or just emotional. If I get emotional or if I get stressed, I get overwhelmed. But I don’t get it as much because I think I get overwhelmed and stressed a bit less than I did when I was younger. It just happened all the time for no reason. And I think it’s because my stress level was just constantly very, very high. Let me see. Let me read a bit more through. So I said, It feels young. There we go. It’s been following me since I was small, but it still feels the same as did when, did that then.
[00:22:35.580] – Speaker 1
Reading my writing. The medium choice is to highlight the ephemeral nature of it, something that has no real tangible substance, yet has such a drastic shaping effect on my life and me as a person. I think that was something that I found interesting. So obviously, when I was making it, I wanted it to be a hologram because I wanted it to seem like its own little being. And it is small. I was asked as well, why is it so small? And I was like, Well, partly, it’s the limitations of the medium that I chose to use. There’s only so big I could make it. At the same time, you feel a lot smaller. It’s being diminished. And I enjoyed that. I wanted to take it out of myself and just show it as a separate thing. It is me, but it’s not me. Where else did I get? And yeah, with the tangibility of it, it is a weird thing. And I think the reason it took me so long to wrap my head around it is because it’s very difficult, especially when you’re younger, to explain to someone that something like that is the reason that you struggled to answer that question five minutes ago, but now you’re all right again.
[00:23:50.680] – Speaker 1
How are you supposed to explain something that you can’t see and no one else can see? How do you say that your brain has stopped working? That doesn’t make any sense to It seemed, at least, it didn’t make any sense to a lot of the adults that they’re trying to explain it to. So it is weird. It had such a control over me. I was clearly scared and planning for it and worried about it happening all the time. And yet I couldn’t refer to it or tell people about it because you can’t see something like that. Which I think is really a lot of the reason it took me so long, because in the end, obviously, I had to go and get myself help. I didn’t tell people around me what was going on because I just didn’t know how to explain that. I just thought that I wasn’t doing stuff right. I didn’t think that was anything that was on me making ardu. I was just blaming myself for everything, thinking everyone else also has this They just clearly are dealing with it better, which now I know is not necessarily the case, I suppose.
[00:24:53.110] – Speaker 1
It was a very weird thing to be having to try and cope with alongside school. I think it still I suppose, cope with something sent alongside Uni, which is why it’s so relevant to me. That’s a lot of the reason. I think I keep making this work because it does have such an impact on me. It has been such a strong force in my life. And I know that other people experience this. I think that was the most It was just a wonderful and awful revelation at the same time. I think after a while, I’d come to the conclusion that no one else would have this. This is just not something that anyone else has. It’s something to do with me being stupid or my brain is just not made properly. And I realised that actually, no, this is an experience that people share. I started looking into it so much because I was just completely blown away by the fact that there were other people talking about their experiences and their experiences were the same as mine. And I think, at least for me, and I said, well, probably for a lot of people, my work is about communication.
[00:25:51.060] – Speaker 1
It’s like connexion. It’s trying to explain something to people that I may not be able to explain any other way. And I thought that, at least for me, for the the longest time when I was younger, because I wasn’t really able to talk to people that well and I wasn’t anxious, the only thing I felt like I could share with other people that made me feel like I was a person that had some value was to make art. Because even if I didn’t reply to questions where I didn’t seem like I was there, or I didn’t do that well in school, although often I did surprisingly reasonably well, which I think is also another reason that no one really was able I’m not able to understand why I was having so much of a struggle. They’re like, You got good grades. What’s going on with you? I could show people through my art, I’m a person, I’m here. What a brain, what a voice. I can make things. I might not be able to articulate it to you, but I can show you in a picture that I am here. I’m here inside. I’m still here.
[00:26:54.020] – Speaker 1
I’m thinking, I’m making. I care. I That’s another story. So obviously, it’s important to me to be able to try and share these experiences. So try and connect with people that maybe have had the same thing or know what I’m talking about. Because it’s such a wonderful feeling being able to reach out and have someone else go. I know exactly what you’re talking about. After so long of just having people staring at you blankly or not being able to help because they just have no idea. They don’t necessarily understand that experience. At the same time, it is just sharing it, communicating, putting it out there just for myself. It’s something that I’ve maybe been grappling with for such a long time to try and explain to other people, to have a way to physically show someone this is what it feels like, this is what it is. This is a massive part of my life. Here we go. It’ll be nice to meet you. Which is, I found the having it be… Imagining the work as a person, so fantastic. I think it was one of the best crips I’d had. I really enjoyed interacting with the work that way and hearing about other people’s work that way.
[00:28:16.130] – Speaker 1
I feel like it had such a depth to it that I wouldn’t necessarily have gotten previously. My other crips just from standing around and giving feedback. You’re able to ask questions that surprise each other. I really make you think about it. I don’t know. It was just really nice. Here we go. What did I get for it? So I’ve got, It’s protective but non-consensual. I think it’s part of the reason my feelings towards it. I think part of the reason why feelings towards it softened was due to the realisation that in some way it only exists because of a time in my life where I needed it and relied on it heavily. Sorry, I’ve upset myself now, so I’m just going to feel it crying. I think that’s a big part of what I wanted to do with this year. I wanted to take stuff that was really important to me and just be working on that. I wanted to make work that I found upsetting, I suppose. And that’s what I have been doing, especially with last year’s work. I had pictures of me. I took pictures of me naked and even looking at those photos to edit them, I was wondering if I’d made a huge mistake Am I going to do that as a project.
[00:29:30.820] – Speaker 1
I was like, How am I going to mess myself up because I’ve chosen to do this? Have I made a horrible error? Am I going to make myself unwell, I suppose, by focussing too much on this? Because a lot of my work is looking into aspects that I am afraid of about myself, things about myself that scare me. And I think probably things that, at least to me, and that’s the idea behind me, that might scare other people about stuff as a society that we don’t necessarily want to deal with a lot of the time, which is… Yeah, that’s where my interest lies. I don’t think I’ve written any more of this, though. Good. It’s something that I’m obviously passionate about. I’ve got a lot to say about. It’s hard to talk about it. Often, I find the easiest way to communicate with someone is to communicate through the work itself, which is a lot of the reason as well why it’s frustrating and I’m struggling to make work because of the things that I’m trying to make work about. It’s just like, why? Being able to make something that comes across is, I think, the most rewarding thing.
[00:30:43.830] – Speaker 1
If anything like that. At least for me, I was really pleased with the start of the work. I think it was very simple. It was a very simplistic thing I tried to do, but I don’t know. I ended up being really pleased with it. But yeah, that’s where I’m trying to carry it forward. When it comes to developing it, because I want to combine physical and the hologram concepts together, the physical making and the holograms, I was thinking about adding a physical element into it, but then I was a bit concerned that by doing that, the work that I’ve made in the summer was not… It stands alone. I think adding something like that to it is not necessarily the answer. I think, at least for me, the answer is going to be finding a way to display it in a way that’s just like… So maybe having a box to shield out the light, having the prism maybe be larger and clearer, finding a way to put it on this way where people can interact with it more easily, because I did have to do a lot of fudging and putting my laptop on its back on this plimp and shielding it round with a black fabric in order to show it.
[00:32:07.050] – Speaker 1
And I think, yeah, I was having a thought about that. I wanted to be more ambitious and start adding stuff to it. But then I thought that, no, the strength, at least for me, the strength in this work lies on the fact that it is so simple. It is just such a clear, I guess, at least for me, clear expression of this experience. And I think adding things to it might not necessarily to strengthen it. It might not necessarily… I worry that adding a physical element might end up somehow taking away from the work, even though going forward combining the physical with the holographic nature of blah, blah, blah, blah. So that’s what I want to be looking into doing. Yes. Also, obviously, on the 27th of September, on Wednesday, we had the introduction to the dissertation unit. We We looked at dissertations. We went through them as a group. We did a workshop with Greg, reading through previously submitted dissertations and trying to mark them ourselves, looking at the mark scheme. That was really interesting. And I think I was pleased that they did that because it gave me a much better understanding of what gets what mark and why, how the mark scheme works.
[00:33:25.170] – Speaker 1
Because I think a lot of the time I would look at the mark scheme, it’s just a bunch of boxes with loads of tiny writing in it. It’s very visually hard to interact with, at least for me. So being able to break it down in this way and actually do some reading was really helpful. It helped me understand why my essay’s privacy got the grades that they did Although, of course, a lot of the reason I think my essay’s got the grades that they did was because they were unfinished. I submitted ridiculous things. And I was aware that when Greg was talking about essays and the station submitted, I was like, I’m sure my work would have been probably among the examples of what not to do, of course. I think I submitted part of my essay, one of my previous essays, I submitted some of the research because I wasn’t able to finish it. I wanted to show the direction I was going. So I just had chunks of research in different colours to try and show it after I had written and finished. I am slightly concerned about the dissertation because writing is something that I struggle with.
[00:34:27.440] – Speaker 1
But I I really enjoyed the workshop. And I do have a vague concept of what I think I want to do. I will again, hopefully, look into having a video journal specifically for the dissertation to talk more about it. I Yeah, there’s obviously a lot I want to talk about. I found that after I do, so for example, it’s been about 30 minutes. After I spoke about 30 minutes, I usually stop needing a break. I feel like I can’t think as easily about what I want to talk about. I’ve only got such a a certain chunk of time before I need to take a minute. So I think I’ll be breaking the video journals down to specific topics as well as reflections on specific days just to make it easier. So I’m not trying to talk about too much at once. But yeah. Okay, I think that’s it for now. I hope you have not missed anything crazy out. If not, I’m sure, hopefully I’ll realise when I can address it in the next one. But yeah, brilliant to talk to you. I’m maybe I can update, obviously, with what I’ve done to change my work for Tuesday.
[00:35:35.870] – Speaker 1
There’s a couple of other things as well for Tuesday. Greg was talking about the bavard, where you talk about stuff that interests you. I’m quite excited by that. I don’t know if I’m going to try it this Tuesday, the Tuesday coming up, or not. We’ll see. But it’s something that you’re definitely interested in. I think that’s really fun just talking about something that interests you, anything that interests to everyone else in the class. And also there was a 10. Here we go. Ten things that are pivotal to you. Where am I in the art world? Where do I sit in the art world? So I guess just trying to maybe look at what you’re inspired by, what your work takes from. Because obviously, our work is often building another work. Just a great long timeline of artists, which is quite lovely. So obviously, you’re going to be looking into that. So into the Tuesday. Maybe it’ll be interesting to talk about that, specifically on here, just that as well. I think third year is definitely a lot already. But I am enjoying how… It feels like everything we’re given is very helpful. Everything we’re given to do, I feel like I could do an entire 30 minute long talk about, which is nice.
[00:36:49.590] – Speaker 1
I don’t know how I’m going to submit these. Do you know what I say? I can get a video is… I don’t know what it says, what I mean. After a while, my brain is I don’t know how I’m going to submit these video journals, if I’m just going to give them in more. Because I originally I was wondering if they were just going to be for me. But I’m finding this medium of journaling, journaling, really, really helpful to be able to get my thoughts across. Because for some reason, again, writing on a page, part of me wonders if that’s just a school thing because I was forced to sit down and write at a desk and now I can’t sit down at a desk and writing makes my brain fall to pieces. And I just associate them with distress. But yeah. Okay. Thank you. Bye. But I’m going to end it now.
